Sail Away

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Posts by Sail Away

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  21

  New grandson!

  by mimimimi in

  1. social
  2. family

  our youngest son and his wife (matt and star) welcomed a baby boy yesterday at 7:04 p.m. ivan tomas, 7 lbs.

  11 oz., 20 1/4" long.

  he is their second child.

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  Sail Away

  Congratulations! Grandchildren are such a precious gift.
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  30

  What started me on the path to waking up about the lies the WT teaches?

  by oppostate in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  it was a simple question: isn't jesus my "mediator" if i put faith in him like the scriptures say?

  the research to that answer, from the w79 4/1 p. 31, was mind blowing.

  how dare they deny me a belief firmly stated in the scriptures?

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  Sail Away

  The teaching that only faithful JWs will survive Armageddon tormented me for decades. I had recurrent nightmares about this as a pre-teen and as a teenager. I had no desire to be in paradise earth alone, without my family members.

  The shunning of family members violated my conscience. I found it unfathomable that I should shun my son, because he was DF'd, yet I could still associate with my daughter who had committed the exact same "sins", because she was not an active member when she committed them and had not been "disciplined by Jehovah."

  The overlapping generation doctrine was my doctrinal tipping point. That was just plain crazy.

  I had simply had enough. I knew I wasn't ever going to shun my son. I was unwilling to be a hypocrite and associate with him under the "essential family business" loophole.

  I walked away first and started researching TTAT about four months later. My research confirmed that I had made the right decision.
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  20

  ladies , its not just me, is it?..

  by sowhatnow in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  ok ladies, has there been any documented studies on the role religion or society plays in keeping women in an economical and social disadvantaged state ?

  im wondering how many other women out there in the world, who either being raised or being long term followers of a strict religious faith,with traditional family structures, have upon either divorce or death of a spouse find it nearly impossible to find a mate or economic stability , and live out the remainder of their lives struggling and either bouncing from one guy to another, being disappointed or used, or simply alone.

  i have personally felt, that i, being a xjw and now divorced woman , with no acceptable work skills,[ ie: fancy resume with degrees] living of low wage part time work and barely any alimony , will simply be viewed as someone trying to get another man to support her.

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  Sail Away

  Sowhatnow, I think this is an interesting and worthwhile topic to explore. Culturally (here is the US anyway) higher education, independence and self-sufficiency seem to come first these days. Yet a college degree gets many people absolutely nowhere but into a lot of debt. It seems difficult for young adults to merge their college educations and careers, make a commitment, get married and form a family-- whose career or job takes precedence when it comes to choosing where to live?

  I do think it goes both ways, however. My son is a highly skilled young man in a management position who works hard and is paid well, but he lives in an area where the cost of living is very high. This is where he needs to be to get the kind of work he does, so he shares a condo with another guy. He is not college educated by choice, because he is profoundly dyslexic and struggles with academic work. He is a capable, kind-hearted guy with a keen sense of humor, but he is definitely an introvert. His JW childhood sweetheart (now deceased wife) was the love of his life. He has been ready to move on for years and just can't find the right woman. He feels like he is judged as "not good enough" to be husband material by college-educated women, and he finds many of the women his age to be very immature socially and all caught up in the drama of social media and the bar scene. He wants to date a grownup.

  I totally get where you are coming from as well. As an ex-JW with no college education myself, I keep running in to roadblocks. Everything I would like to do seems to require a degree. I gave up the change to go to college to "pioneer where the need is great" in the late '70s. At this late stage in my life, with my husband retiring next year or sooner, it is just not economically feasible for me to go to college. If I found myself in the dating pool, I think I would be in much the same position as you are, except maybe a little more financially secure. A little.

  I do think what others have said about self esteem is a huge factor. We were told our whole lives that we were simply good-for-nothing slaves, and nothing we ever did measured up as JWs. As I tell my son, it seems the only thing to do is to learn to be happy and healthy in our own lives, pursue our own interests and develop our own talents and maybe, just maybe the right opportunity will present itself. If we continue to challenge ourselves and are in a good place emotionally, mentally and physically, I think that finding a marriage partner or a new path in life is much more likely to happen.

  
  

  
  
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  96

  Apathy trollies in my city.

  by punkofnice in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  is it me or are people giving them a wide berth?.

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  Sail Away

  I have not seen a single JW trolley in my area in the USA (East Coast-New England), but saw two in the country of Panama. In each case I approached them, since they weren't even trying to make eye contact with me or anyone else. I told them I have family that are JWs in the US and tried to not use too much JW terminology, so they wouldn't suspect that I am an ex-JW. Since so few people in Panama speak English, I was mostly trying to pump them for local knowledge-- Where is the bank? Where is the best supplied grocery store? Where is the best fresh produce market? etc., as I was there to research retirement possibilities in the area. In each case, the "witnesses" felt it necessary to emphasize their titles which would be unimportant to a "worldly" person. I found this odd. They made no attempt to preach to me or offer any literature, just to tell me their positions in the organization. In the time I observed them, not one member of the general public approached them.

  
  

  I was surprised by my reaction to seeing these witnesses with their carts-- I was angry that they were there targeting vulnerable people. One of the reasons I want to move away from the area I am in now is to get away from the witnesses I am surrounded by and have known for over four decades. They targeted me as a vulnerable pre-teen in an unstable family environment. I don't want to end up in an area where I have to see them in the town square or at the bus stops! I'm fine with being shunned (officially "inactive", not DF'd, won't DA) by all the people I grew up with and raised my kids with for over forty years. I don't want to talk to them anyway!

  
  

  

  Coronado, Panama at a bus stop. The local elder and pioneer stepped out of the photo. It was really too crowded at the bus stop in Coronado to have any kind of discussion. The positioning of the cart made no sense whatsoever. It was on a busy, noisy street with cars flying by, and the witnesses were positioned behind the backs of the people at the bus stop. They were being totally ignored.

  
  

  

  The Substitute C.O. in training on left and C.O. on Right in Bocas Del Toro, Panama seem very young for their positions.

  
  

  

  Missionary in Bocas Del Toro, Panama. There is Chinese literature on the trolley, because there is a significant Chinese population in the area. I did find out that there are three congregations in Bocas del Toro, Panama-- one English with 40 publishers, one Spanish with 60 publishers and one with 35 people from a local indigenous tribe.
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  43

  Advice Needed - JW Grandparents

  by What Now? in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  my family has been out (inactive no meeting attendance or field service) for just over two years..

  weve made many changes in our lives, including with our personal appearances (tattoos, piercings etc) that are a pretty obvious sign that we arent going back any time soon.

  our families went through a period of time about a year ago when they made a lot of threats that if we left the truth, they wouldnt even be able to share a meal with us, they would stay loyal to jehovah etc.

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  Sail Away

  What Now?, I'm sorry for your dilemma. I've read this thread and see there are different opinions-- those emphasizing tolerance and teaching critical thinking skills; others, like you said in your OP, say their family is a package deal.

  I have been in a much similar situation, except that Mr. SailAway was the "inactive" one, and I was the indoctrinated JW. My JW in-laws were shunning their son, except under the "essential family business" escape clause, they allowed him to drive 500 miles to bring us to visit them. He tried to do everything he could to accommodate us and even went to the KH with the family during those visits. In between visits my JW MIL maintained contact by letters to me and the kids. Neither my MIL or FIL to this day has initiated a phone call to our home. Until I walked away from the organization four years ago (because I refused to shun my own son), I always felt like I was in the middle, the go between between my hubby and in-laws and my kids.

  I raised my kids as JWs. My daughter "respectfully declined" a "shepherding call" from an elder when she was 17 years old and never attended another meeting. My son was later DF'd. Now my in-laws shun both of them. I know for a fact that his hurts both of my children on a very deep level. Worse yet, my JW in-laws want nothing to do with my daughter's brand new baby, my beautiful grandson and their great grandson. They are shunning an innocent baby!

  Once I woke up, it got more and more difficult to put up with their venomous speech and ill treatment of my husband, so I stopped writing to my MIL two years ago. I just stopped answering her letters. She no longer writes. They have no direct evidence that I left the organization. I guess we are shunning each other.

  I tell you all of this, because I think that, in the end, only pain can result from your children developing a relationship with their JW grandparents. Been there, done that.

  Just Sail Away
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  23

  My wife , Son and DIL living with us ,have still not acknowledged my birthday today @ 5:15 pm , I might have to drop them a subtle hint.

  by smiddy in

  1. social
  2. family

  i know being a witness for 33 years and not celebrating b/days you do lose the habit , but i thought one of them would have remembered ?

  oh well .. maybe i will just rub it in with them tomorrow .make them feel guilty , eh ?.

  then again i might just start singing "76 trombones" at the dinner table tonight .

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  Sail Away

  Happy Birthday Smiddy! It's my birthday today too! Mr. SailAway's birthday is July 4th, so he really can't forget mine. I gave him a card and bought him some birthday cannolis. He really isn't into cake.

  I've been out four years now. July 4th is also my personal Independence Day, since I walked away from the organisation on July 3, 2011. I love that we have fireworks all weekend long here in the US for our birthdays! My hubby and children are finally coming around about the holidays. They tolerate my silliness. I embrace the holidays, but I can't fault them for the way they were raised. I'm hoping for my new grandson's sake that my daughter will learn to really celebrate his birthday and Christmas. For now I just keep doing what makes me happy! I think I'll get myself a birthday cupcake today!
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  204

  Candace Conti Settles

  by Nitty-Gritty in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  hot topic on topix seems to be candace conti settlement.

  but it's all quiet here.

  are you guys aware that your hero, who was not in it for the money but to change policies, settled without changing anything?

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  Sail Away

  (((Umbertoecho))), what happened to you is unspeakably wicked. I am so very sorry. It is so brave of you to tell us about your experience.
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  12

  Do JW still drink like a fish in small gathering??

  by James Mixon in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  in the 60's and 70's when i became a mindless cult follower there.

  were gathering for the elite and they would get sh---t face, i mean down right.

  drunk.

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  Sail Away

  When my son was still in he told me his then P.O. "drank like it was his job". He would likely need to in order to forget that he and his former pioneer (succumbed to fibro myalgia) wife were shunning their two sons. It hurts to be in a cult.
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  18

  Australian journalists investigating abuse

  by Joel-ABC-730 in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  dear members,.

  i am an investigative journalist with the australian public broadcaster, the abc.

  we are currently gathering information from members of the jehovah's witnesses who experienced sexual abuse as children and adolescents in australia.

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  Sail Away

  Joel, please post your inquiry on this Forum as well:

  http://exjehovahswitnessforum.yuku.com/

  Andriasyxx is a forum moderator there who volunteers to help victims of abuse in the Australian court system. She may be able to help you. I'll message her to alert her to look for your post.
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  44

  How do you manage to keep JW friendships after you left the organization?

  by Bonsai in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it seems incredibly difficult.

  those who leave the org.

  (or fade) no longer have anything in common with jehovah's witnesses, nor do they want to stick around to get radiated by the fear and guilt that saturates every aspect of a witnesses' life.. i've lost all but one of my jw friends quite simply because i can no longer condone the evil things that they condone.

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  Sail Away

  I was unable to keep any of my JW "friends". I associated with nine congregations during my 42 years in. There is one former "friend" who will still call when she wants something from me. That hasn't changed. I'm not DF'd and won't DA. I walked away and didn't look back. I don't miss the hypocrisy one bit.